26 intelligent thoughts from an unfortunate 26 year old….

  1. I’m old.
  2. Should I have kids by now?
  3. …Nah.
  4. Am I really that old though? 26 is young, right?
  5. No, I’m ancient.
  6. I’m literally closer to 30 than I am 20.
  7. I have wrinkle lines already.
  8. Doesn’t my dog count as a kid?
  9. I’m afraid if I had a human kid I would still like Izzy more…
  10. I should workout.
  11. Nah, it’s my birthday.
  12. Yesterday was also an off day because it was the day before my birthday.
  13. I’ll probably take tomorrow off, because, well…it’s the day after my birthday.
  14. Crap, I have already been in the best shape of my life, haven’t I?
  15. How do you even celebrate 26?
  16. There really are no exciting birthdays left, are there?
  17. I really should watch the news more than I do. I’m an adult.
  18. Should I stop watching my Hannah Montana DVDs now?
  19. …Nah
  20. I really need to set up a living will.
  21. No joke my Brandon’s dumb dog just vomited as I was writing this. So not my kid.
  22. I can’t believe I’m 26 and I still haven’t met Brian Littrell.
  23. Shoot, I can’t have a human kid. I’d have to memorize another social security number.
  24. Also, why the heck did I wake up with a zit this morning? Wasn’t that phase supposed to be done a few years ago.
  25. Wait! The zit is a great thing! It means I’m young. Happy birthday to me!
  26. Did Izzy really just lick me with her vomit mouth on my birthday? This is the definition of going downhill…
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